Remembering Panoy

It's October 30 today. It's a day of the year we always remember. It's my brother Panoy's birthday.

He would have turned 32 this year. But our beloved brother is frozen at age 23. He died a hero in Surigao del Norte on May 2, 2005. The last time I saw him was on October 2004, when he fetched me at the Manila Airport. He was very excited to meet with me then. We had a long talk about life, family, his ambitions and plans as a soldier, and about his girlfriend Deen.

Panoy wanted to spend more time with his sisters. Bonding time, he said since we were not able to really bond during our college days. I spent my college days in Miagao, Iloilo while he spent time sweating it out at PMA. I was her big sister, especially during his elementary years when most of our elder siblings were off to college in Iloilo. I was the one who would bring him to school. Who would attend the PTA meeting when Nanay can't attend. I was the one who would wash their dirty uniforms and help coach him when he joined a declamation contest. 


He would help me with my Math assignments when I was in college. He was in fourth year at the Philippine Science High School in Iloilo then, I was a sophomore in UP Visayas and I was flunking my Match exams especially in Calculus. He would answer my take home exams. Maybe it was the only reason I passed that subject. 

I miss my brother. I miss his dance moves. His beautiful singing voice. His idealism.

Happy Birthday, brother. Say hello to Jesus for me. 

Below is his favorite song. I'LL BE by Goo Goo Dolls

____________________I'll Be by Goo Goo Dolls 

The strands in your eyesThat color them wonderfulStop me and steal my breath 
Emeralds from mountains
Thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth 

Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, 
I'll hang from your lipsInstead of the gallows 
Of heartache that hang from above 

I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love suicide 
I'll be better when I'm olderI'll be the greatest fan of your lifeRain falls angry on the tin roofAs we lie awake in my bed 
You're my survivalYou're my living proof
My love is alive and not dead

Tell me that we belong together 
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated 
I'll hang from your lipsInstead of the gallows 
Of heartache that hang from above

I'll be your cryin' shoulderI'll be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life 

I've dropped out 
Burned up
Fought my way back from the dead 
Tuned in 
Turned on
Remembered the things you said

I'll be your cryin' shoulder 
I'll be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older 
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

I'll be your cryin' shoulder 
I'll be love suicide 
I'll be better when I'm olderI'll be the greatest fan of you life